I have this unique perspective, if you’d like to hear it.

I began taking hormones to feminize in February of this year (2020). Before then I had all the chemical compounds that support masculinity coursing through my veins to include experiences. My body reacted to stimulation in a way that a man’s would and I did not understand that women and men react differently to intimacy, arousal, and stimulation. Feelings were more of a stubborn problem to be rid of, as a man the tacit quality of leadership is stoicism and levelness.

The physical nature of my manhood was a giant wall in the way of emotional expression and the joy of experiencing the intimacy of communication and feeling feelings. Then, slowly, over the past 10 months my masculine makeup has diminished to an almost forgotten memory, like a bad dream from a few weeks ago that still edges from my memory in the right light.

Now I experience feelings as the primary form of physical arousal. My body literally reacts to emotional intimacy in a way that physical (sexual) intimacy used to. My body and mind crave touch, not in the way I used to either, in a new way. When I communicate it feels disingenuous without the warmth of another body at the other end of my fingertips. This is new. Also new is this deep, deep seated empathy for emotional expression. It’s so new that it makes me highly uncomfortable. The very sight of emotional expression activates my brain in such a foreign way that I literally don’t know how to react to it.

These are significant differences in masculinity and femininity that are difficult to understand fully until they are experienced and even then describing the experience is lackluster because I know I don’t quite have the words, yet.

With Love
Ruth Utnage
(For interviews or media inquiries please contact me directly!)

Ruth Utnage fka jeff 823469 C-510-2
PO Box 888
Monroe, WA. 98272

or via Jpay email service (you have to use my birth name, but, please do not call me by it, my new legal name is Ruth)

Jeff Utnage