My transition is something I take very seriously and its something I have thought about for, well, about 28 years. Countless hours staring at my body and hating what I was seeing. Maybe it was the extra weight,I thought. Maybe I’m just a weirdo like people around me said about other trans women. Maybe I’m just broken and deserve to die. I spent so long debating this and thinking that God would cure me or maybe the Devil would or maybe I just wasn’t having the right sex or maybe I was just a full on psycho. I thought all this for years and just below the surface of all my bullshit was a patient and hurting woman who just wanted to, well, to exist.
I hate it when people publicly spout garbage like trans people shouldn’t transition and they do things publicly to get attention, like the military dude (I won’t say his name, bastard) from Oregon that said on Fox “The New York Times won’t even acknowledge me since I no longer support this stuff,” speaking about transitioning and advocacy, no doubt. He proclaimed himself a “media darling”. Now that he stopped getting attention he’s denouncing his non. binary status to get more media attention and in the process he is giving fuel to the fire of anti-trans activists all over the fucking world. Thanks asshole…now go whore your psychobabble in someone else’s fight, I hear Westboro Baptists are looking for a few representatives or maybe the KKK could use a “media darling”, asshole. (I’d apologize for the cursing, but I wouldn’t mean it)
I take an immense amount of pride in trans, gender nonconforming, non binary, gender queer and androgynous people, and those that are gay, lesbian or bisexual because (ah hell, let’s not forget the rest of our problematic alphabet soup) it takes a lot of guts to be your true self and that’s scary as hell to do when the whole world says your nuts.
Nuts like women should get to vote, work, or think at all.
Nuts like Africans shouldn’t be enslaved, or anyone for that matter.
Nuts like Israelis shouldn’t have been sent to death camps.
Nuts like America, home of the black slave electing its first black POTUS.
It used to be nuts to think that any of these things would be true, ever. Or that we could shoot ourselves into space, or that the world was round.
Be proud of who you are and when some zealot or conversion therapy wielding reject gets his or her 15 minutes, go get yourself a Mani/pedi darling and piss on all of ’em.
Kay…now I’m done, I think I left my heels back there somewhere, sorry, your girl gets worked up from time to time. Okaaaay.
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Jeff aka Ruth Utnage
Jeff aka Ruth Utnage 823469 D-610-2
P.O. Box 888
Monroe, WA 98272
or email through jpay.com
Name: Utnage, Jeff (though I am legally Ruth)