This prison experience has taught me that some convicts can’t be reached. And please realize that we are not all convicts. Those are such that embrace and pursue the convict code, a mentality that was put forth by a bunch of idiots trying to become better criminals. I’ve realized long ago that the perfect cell mate is isomorphic to a unicorn. In other words, they are basically equivalent. ..a structural sameness in the sense that they only exist in fairy tales. In the following words, I hope to release this frustration and disappointment.. anger, that is burning into my rational thoughts.
I am just a guy trying to do amazing things in a bad situation. I do break the rules.. for example, every year, I hold a giant secret Santa gift exchange. This last year there were over 50 guys on our tier that exchanged gifts behind the backs of the guards. The holidays generally cause depression among inmate, and so I ALWAYS do things that a community might do, so that the guys feel a little semblance of normalcy. The result is phenomenal. Really, it’s humbling to see what happens with the behaviors of the guys who suddenly have a reason to give a gift to the person they never speak to. Hardened criminals cry and unexpected bridges get mended and built. …(I pair the names strategically -)
Also, I buy food and drink, enough for everyone, literally, so that they can wake up on Christmas morning or Thanksgiving Day and Drink as much coffee, cider, and juice that they want. This in an attempt to build community. The idea is that although we live in a ghetto, we don’t have to fill the role. People see me as.. nice, composed, and responsible. But in my head, I struggle just by being around some of these guys. By being the nice guy, the cool kids and the convicts think I’m “lame”. From them, I’ll be that. It means I’m doing something right.
I’m well fixed with the knowledge that no good deed goes unpunished. Through all this, I always hold it together.. For those who don’t know, the worst part of prison is having to live with and associate with nothing but convicts and addicts. Thus, our cell is our sanctuary. A place away from the weirdness and drama of “Prisoney Land”. My room is a sacred place full of mathematical tools.. books and diagrams, journals and stacks of scratch paper. I love it. I don’t have enough time in my day to do the things I need.
Today, I live with a convict. Communication and respect look different to him than me. If I request stuff, I don’t get respected. I think that he sees a homo who he can walk on. I hear the way he speaks to others. It’s north of the way he speaks to me. How do I let him know I need him to quit a certain behavior towards me? I’ve said just that. It’s funny to him. I’ve said it more plainly, but still, I’m a joke to him. I’m the guy he and his friends will talk bad to when they see me. I’m a logic guy. I’m not having luck with my requests. These convicts, they fight, and they respect each other after wards because they fought. I believe I’m above fighting. It never presents a valid premise to any conclusion and is thus not a valid form of argument..
That’s a fallacy called appeal to force, which is a form of argument um ad homonym. But by trying to use reasoning, both logical and human, this one doesn’t care. Thinks he’s cooler that I’m losing study time and getting frustrated. So logically, If reasoning doesn’t get him to be respectful to me, and he is only respectful to people he respects, then I must find a way for him to respect me. Furthermore, if he respects a person after he fights them, and I must find a way for him to respect me, then logic says to get him to fight me. This contradicts the sanctuary that is my room. How.. to convey a need to a convict?