For well over a decade, this time of year had represented a lot of personal pain. Most of it is stuff that no matter how hard I tried, it was simply too much to out think. There was a point in time when I would just drown myself in alcohol in an effort to self medicate to deal with both the things inside me and the mess I was choosing to live in. Trauma allowed me to be self loathing and, in turn, I allowed my life to be loathsome. Then there was prison and I was forced to drink from a fire hose of pain. The darkness and cold of winter really drove home all of the ick I felt about my life and I had responded badly. Merry Christmas, right?
In the middle of this year, in the heat of the Covid chaos, I hit some breaking points and, in turn, breakthroughs. This year, even in all of the down parts of not seeing my community support in almost a year because of the pandemic, I felt myself healing. I have people who care about me and I care deeply for. This was largely lost on me one year ago, but through good therapy and loving people – both in here and beyond – this time of year isn’t nearly as bad as it has been for the last decade. The trauma is manageable, even healing, and my hopes and dreams are becoming tangible and real. Merry Christmas, right?
Right! I’m not perfect, nor is my life, but it’s as good as it has been in a very long time and I see the world a little different on most days now. This time of year should be a time of positive reflection and optimistic realities. I’m in line to close this year in a much stronger fashion than I opened it with. I use the tools I’ve learned this year to really tackle that optimism. If this time of year is a struggle and being without your family because of Covid or life itself has you down, just know there’s hope. You are loved and you are important. It took some work for me to see my traumas for what they are, but I’m getting it. During this time of year, there are good reasons to see the best in life and the help of wonderful people in my life really helped, regardless of where they were. I hope this time of year is a blessing for you, too…
by Rory Andes
Find joy and love in the people you have in life…
Email at Jpay.com using Rory Andes 367649
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Rory Andes 367649
PO Box 888
Monroe, WA 98272