I’ve discovered that I strongly dislike when men comment on my makeup. When a friend says to me “oh, that looks good today, cute”, he is obviously coming from a warm place but I am not receiving it that way, it actually makes me feel like I don’t want to be around them. I cannot explain why though.

It is always interesting to me when I feel feelings that seem to come from nowhere. Like the sudden urge to hug people. Since I’ve been on my hormones I am constantly fighting the urge to hug my friends and even those that seem to be hurting, though I may not know them well. I don’t hug them because my instinct is still to put my arm up as a barrier between me and whoever is initiating the contact…it is very awkward and embarrassing for me. I cannot explain why I do that, I just do. Other than I feel trapped by hugs when I don’t initiate them, lately I am seeing them as a source of comforting which puts me at mental odds.

I don’t know if these things make me odd. Truthfully, I don’t care because as a person I have the right to draw boundaries whenever I choose to and to erase or reconsider them. That’s the point of change, to change.

With Love
Ruth Utnage
(For interviews or media inquiries please contact me directly!)

Ruth Utnage fka jeff 823469 C-510-2
PO Box 888
Monroe, WA. 98272

or via Jpay email service (you have to use my birth name, but, please do not call me by it, my new legal name is Ruth)

Jeff Utnage