I had this idea growing up and into adulthood that life was this organized system. You do this and that happens. You do the right thing and you get rewarded. Everyone is out to help you out, bosses want everyone of their employees to succeed and become rich. 

After 10 different jobs before I was 25 and many, many arguments with myself about why I am not completely happy with the way things are going for me and why isn’t anyone helping me in my misery; I finally came to the conclusion that I had to start accomplishing something. Anything, I didn’t care. 

I just let life pass by me. I didn’t care about anything other than why I was so upset with everything. 

There is this little part of me that still thinks about those times in my life. As I have matured, believe it or not in prison, I have come to realize that the whole world is not against me. Only me, I was the only one against me. I don’t remember anyone ever telling me that the world is doing it’s own thing and they aren’t going to help you. 

That should be a lesson about life when your young, no one is going to help you. When you do find those rare few who will, don’t mess that up because they are precious and beautiful and you should be just like them to everyone you meet. Lead by example. 

This is just the way life is. But once I got over that, I understood that life is what I make it. I have so much to offer, so much to give and I intend to let everyone know it. I intend to make my own path because there doesn’t seem to be one for a queer like me. That’s ok, I like making stuff.

Life is good, because now I get to design my own, finally.

I like that

With Love,
Jeff Utnage