I am going through a rough patch. You know when you get to know someone and you just know that this is the one, this is the person that God created just for you and you for them and you wake up in the middle of the night with a song playing in your head and you know it means something? Then you decide to say something because you’re bold, right? You got this, all the signals are right. Smiling, lots of small touches that let you know you’re being seen, here I made this for you and wow, I made you something too.

You know, childish stuff.

So you say something, you confess your feelings with butterflies in you stomach and sweat pooling in your palms and you get the “can we just be friends?” spiel.

Well, I went through that and I reacted the way anyone in my position might, I iced them out of my life so fast they got confused. I don’t do friend zones. Those is for other people, not me. Me and friend zones don’t mix, don’t mesh, in fact, we’re beefin’ tough right now. So, I created a little drama cause my one little feeler got hurt (I know, poor, poor girl…not like this doesn’t happen to EVERYONE, right?!). Yeah, I regret it but there ain’t no going back now, I said what I said and chose what I chose. I learn and move on, but it doesn’t change that I’m hurting. So I had the one person I know who makes me laugh the most walk with me.

I get out to the yard and as my crush passes us I said “do you see that one?”

“Yeah, I remember” they replied.

“They hate my guts, neat-o” I said solemnly, I was embarrassed and just knew I was about to be judged super harsh.

“Oh my god, what happened, you guys were like…the perfect match”

“I was a bitch.” I owned my part, not proudly but I already assumed I was going to be judged, why stop with half truths? “I felt deep feelings for them and told them and they tried to friend zone me, so I told them I would not be their friend and that we were not going to speak anymore.” There, I said it.

“Aww, that’s the worst!” they giggled, “I hate when I do that, just pour my heart out to someone and find out that they were not digging on me back, “kinda like taking a condom and putting water in it and freezing it so it holds the shape of, you know, and then using it to, you know…its like that, awful!”

“Wait, what did you do?” did I just hear that right?

“I know right, it’s the worst thing to do with an icicle”

We all need more friends like that. The kind that hear you made a mistake and are embarrassed and hurt and struggling and instead of adding fuel or pity they just make you pee yourself in laughter. Makes me feel human again.

Thanks to anyone who does that, you’re what I’d call an actual hero.

With Love
Ruth