I had a dream the other night. There were two elephants, one big healthy one and one smaller sickly one. The large one was telling me something, it killed the smaller one. In fact, it trampled it to death. I was not afraid, but watchful. In my dream I knew it meant something. Something inside me.

I had my mother look up what it could mean. After all, I don’t usually get vivid dreams and when I do, especially in high stress times like I am in right now, I pay attention to what my subconscious is telling me. Maybe not on a spiritual level all the time, but on a “hey, your suppressing this feeling and you need to deal with it better.”

After a few minutes I gathered that elephant dreaming is a subject all its own. So I have to interpret what I feel about elephants, what they represent in my life personally. Which is big, majestic, all powerful, inspiring…goals. For me they represent goals. One of my goals killed another one of my goals. Question is, which one is more powerful? 

The healthy elephant made sure I knew that I was the center of his world. I was his intended audience. His message was squarely for me. He was letting me know that something inside me was finally dead. 

So why write about it? Because we all have goals, ideas, aspirations. Sometimes our goals cross each other out because they are counter to one another and we don’t realize it. Like wanting to live a simple life and win the lottery, one will eat the other.

As LGBT people we have a long road ahead of us. Our lives are interconnected in a spiritual way that the best religious leader cannot comprehend totally. Our lives matter to one another, as well they should.

What would happen if we all did a heart check, make sure were on the right path, doing the right things. That’s what my elephant was telling me “Hey, are you listening to me? Because I am all that matters, I am your true future, your calling, your purpose, let go of everything else and focus.”

What is yours telling you?

With Love
Jeff Utnage