Back in 2011 I got my first visit with my Mother where I was able to hug her. Before the visit I was excited to talk to her, to see her, to eat visit room food like ice cream. But it was the hug that was the most impactful. I remember seeing her in her bright colored shirt, it had pink flowers on it, and we instinctively hugged. I had not planned it, it was just what was natural. As soon as my arms wrapped around her I melted. 

I did not want to let go. I had no idea I even missed it. That moment has stuck with me through the years here and I look forward to the time when I get to have human contact.

Now I look for opportunities to give a friendly nudge or a quick side hug goodbye, or a quick hello hug. I wonder if I ever go to a job interview out there if I’m going to greet my interviewer with an extended hand or outstretched arms. Its hard to tell. 

I miss holding hands or laying my head in my mans lap, or his in mine. I miss the running of my fingertips up and down a loved ones spine. I miss pecks on the cheeks. I miss affection.

OK so maybe I’m a bit hopeless in the romance department but touch is illegal in prison. Its unacceptable, accept in visitation and then its timed. Maybe part of my problem is not having a boyfriend to show affection too, maybe my problem is something else. Maybe I don’t have a problem and I just crave human touch because its needed in our lives as human beings. 

I know that its the one thing I miss about the free world is human touch and I would be willing to bet that my stress and anxiety would go down with a single hug every day.

With Love And A Hug!!

Jeff Utnage