I received an email today and at first, it came across hopeful. And I did find true hope in it. It was a message from my ex who said my daughter was in a position to better communicate with me. I know my ex’s new partner hates the fact that I’m my daughter’s father. You see, she was my ex’s coming out partner, a cheat, and hates men. I was cheated on. Burned like a bastard, for sure. But, I know that her partner has meltdowns when it comes to me. I know they have extended in the past to airing in front of my daughter. People have genuinely suffered at the hands of this new partner. Namely, me….

I AM the dad. So, I responded with questions about how to best do my part and I just wanted to know that my daughter wouldn’t suffer any fallout from this chick by our connecting better. My ex had the god damned audacity to email back that the new chick has “fears and concerns” for the bettering of our relationship and this chick is “answering questions” in regards to me to my kid. I don’t get along with my ex’s new partner for sure. She doesn’t even know me enough to answer questions. Who’s the mom? Oh, that’s right…

Yeah, she’s been in the scene six months now and calls the shots. But I don’t live with, think about, interact with or care about this person, so please feel free to not interfere with my relationship with my kid, please and thank you. And Dear Ex, feel free to keep my fatherhood in mind as you’re busy doling out all the hopes I hold sacred to someone who cares so little, all in the name of coming out. Try caring a bit about the damage you did and how you frame her shitty “concerns” about a man she knows nothing and cares nothing about. 

I just want to be the dad who knows my kid. Period. I stay awake at night thinking of how to be a great dad, one who supports his daughter and can find friendship and co parenting with mom. I didn’t ask the ex to come out with the worst person possible who has to have her say about it all. Hell, I wish she hooked up with a woman with promise, a future, and a concern for the family she fractured. Maybe then it wouldn’t have been ruined. Instead, we all got this miserable prick. If you wanna be a lesbian, be that. Be you. I support that. Just let the dad be the dad and the mom can be the mom and the partner can support parental decisions and we will all have our places in this great big world. I know I’m not exclusive in this and I hate having to feel anxious or fearful about this. This is something that can affect anyone. I need my ex to truly be audacious enough to defend the family values, at least the last of the ones she sold me on when we were together…. Thanks….

Rory Andes