I have come to a realization, I am terrible boyfriend material. Not because I’m in prison or have a past, I would argue that my past has created a driven individual who understands empathy, nonjudgmentalism, compassion, encouragement, and love and loyalty and friendship. Prison has instilled discipline, not the punishment kind of discipline but the self-discipline which entails sacrifice. I’m terrible boyfriend material because of my internal drive.

My goals are in need of attention and I haven’t got the time to waste on romance. My potential partner will be second to many other things, specifically my career, education, and goals. I want to accomplish things in my life and they require dedication, discipline, and sacrifice.

I want love, I want romance, I want to have someone to cuddle with and hold hands with and whisper to…of course. I even have the time to do these things, time isn’t the issue, it’s my belief that such a person exists who would thrive in a relationship in which trust was such a prominent factor. I wouldn’t be comfortable in a relationship where I was the only one in pursuit of my goals so doggedly. My partner would have to be just as driven.

Maybe this doesn’t make me terrible boyfriend material? I don’t know. I know that since I have been in prison I have rejected a lot of men, I mean, a lot. So much so that I have earned the reputation as the ice queen. My resting bitch face is on point. Men don’t understand how to navigate my barriers, they get intimidated by my directness and I find it sad that when I tell them the kind of man who would work in a relationship with me, they retreat. 

I suppose that’s for the better, no distractions while I attempt to change the world. 

With Love
Jeff Utnage