As children we learn from our parents and environment how to think and feel about everything. Our idea on sexuality and gender identity is formed for us, for the most part. We express ourselves freely until we are “corrected” then we learn to not think that way because it gets us in trouble.

When we are free thinking adults we challenge our ideas on most everything. We have to trace our beliefs back to childhood and find out why we believe what we do. Sexuality and gender identity are no different.

For anyone who is straight and reading this, consider this: Girls wear pink, boys blue. Girls cheer lead, boys play sports. Boys wrestle, girls play volleyball. Get the idea yet? Here is another to consider, girls wear dresses, men do not.

We have to get away from this box of outward appearances as gender definition. Just because a woman wants to wear flannel and Danner boots, does that make her any less “woman”? Hardly. Unless of course she is all man inside. Her outward appearance does not match her inward gender. Which, believe me is entirely possible.

Just because we do not experience what other people experience does not mean it doesn’t happen. Have you ever constructed a sky scraper? How about gone to space? Ever fly a fighter jet? All these things happen, just because YOU don’t experience them doesn’t mean that they don’t happen. They do. As is proof of their existence.

I see variations of gender expression and transgender ism and sexual identity every day. I have learned to embrace it. I do not attempt to understand it, grasp it or change it. It just is. I have my own differences to contend with. I am gender fluid. I do not believe that I am one singular gender. I believe I have both male and female (or androgynous) inner workings emotionally and mentally. 

I was raised by women and learned to cope with life through feminine eyes. The way men handled emotions was rough and often ridiculous. As a child, that is what I was taught. As a man, I have challenged that belief and made up my own mind about life. I have decided that I am Gender Queer. 

I know that for many if they ever see me in a dress are going to assume that I am trans. Well, I am not. I am still very much a man, just a man in a dress. I like pony tails and not the kind that lay on your neck. I like the high, girlie pony tails and I like the idea of having bangs and wearing heels and make-up. Why do I have to be a woman to do any of those things?

This idea goes along with transgender ism, society is becoming used to the trans community, kind of…and they expect that every trans man or woman is going to do a full operation. When that is not always the case. Many people I have met are somewhere in between and only consider physically altering their genitalia because society pressures them too. 

This is unfair.

Please take the time to just love those you do not understand. It feels way better than judgementalism.

With Love

Jeff Utnage