Every morning and every night I call my girlfriend. It’s the only way we can be intimate. We used to be in prison together, only we weren’t dating then, we were and still are best friends. She got out over a year ago and we only recently decided to date, it all just kind of makes sense for us. So, twice a day (and sometimes more) we chat for our allotted 20 minutes twice daily like a medicine that keeps us smiling.

Like all couples we have to figure out ways to stay intimate. Our struggle is slightly different in that we cannot touch, see, or be near one another. I can only liken it to military couples when one is deployed. I guess it’d be a lot like that. We have to rely on creativity and imagination.

So one night I call at my usual time, as close to 5 p.m. as possible. She proceeds to tell me how she’s sitting at a restaurant by herself, waiting for me to call so we can have dinner together. It was beautiful. The meaning behind it is so subtle, I’ve not set foot in a restaurant in over a decade- she knows this. So she took pictures of her order, ordered me a drink of my choice, ice cold lemonade, and she proceeded to order her meal. I called back as many times as I could while she ate and we chatted about life together and simply spent time. Time I am happy I spent.

It’s subtle things that only a best friend could or would know about why that specific thing was so romantic. Mainly, because it was intentional. She did it because she loves me.

What she didn’t know, until today, is that the same day she planned that, I had just arranged to have 2 dozen roses sent to her apartment. She’s never had anyone send her flowers, ever. It’s the subtle things that make this special. She knows I can’t just call 1-800-FLOWERS, she knows that the cost is a whole months pay for me, she knows I had to plot on her to get her home to pick them up. And I got to hear her open them on the phone, the first time she’s ever experienced that. Because I love her.

I don’t know much about intimacy, I’m just know feeling like I can let this side of me flourish. But it sure feels good to explore.

Any ideas how to connect like this? I’d love to hear them!

With Love
Ruth Utnage