All seem to be scary words for gay men, or bisexual men. This has been a cliche for as long as mankind has been able to put words to action (in my opinion).

Gay men want relationships so long as they are not called a ‘relationship.’ What?? This is simply a way to be able to have sex with multiple partners without feeling like they let anyone down. After all, it was never a ‘relationship.’

This gives birth to polyamorous relationships. It seems that this has become the acceptable middle ground. Those that want the security of having someone there every night can. While the one who wants to have variety in the bedroom still has “options.”

My opinion is pretty left on this. However, as a gay man I have to deal with this topic with (so far) about 75% of the gay men who are potential partners. It continuously arises as a problem. I want a single partner and in order for sexual relations to happen I must feel that the relationship is going to be long term. I need emotional connection in most cases.

While the other party just wants sex for the moment. This is hard to agree with. So I can see where “poly” relationships emerge as a solution. Particularly in the gay community. Interesting how even someone like me has considered entertaining a poly-like relationship just to feel connected with someone.

I have often sat back and thought about what it would feel like to go on a date with two other, or even three other men simultaneously. How would we sit at the table? Who sits in the front seat of the car? Who drives? Do we all pay for our own? What about sleeping arrangements? Who cuddles who?

I once heard a young man say this was his idea of a perfect relationship. Come home to a household with 3-4 other people who all love each other, have sex with one another freely and all work great jobs.

I have a hard time wrapping my head around this thought process. I cannot and will not say that they are wrong though. I know that biblically I have one belief, but I am not naive to the changing times.

This is the problem with not allowing gays to have open and public relationships. Seemingly unhealthy viewpoints arise that society doesn’t agree with. Polyamorous is a perfect example of this. Gays are so used to meeting secretly and quietly, having sex and then the next day working side by side as if the previous night didn’t happen.

Society wants that. They want to see us as the normal “straight” man that they need us to be.

Prison is no different. Only the views are still 60’s and 70’s. Men can be gay, so long as they don’t have relationships and/or act on their sexuality.

This causes the same process of unhealthy relationship seeking, meaning, multiple and random partners engaged in unsafe sex.

Food For Thought

With Love
Jeff Utnage