I like mail. You know, like paper inside of an envelope that you wrote stuff on. I miss mail. I miss junk mail and advertisements and actors from the 50’s trying to convince me if I order 3 magazines I’ll win 5,000,000 a week for life. You know, mail.

Problem is, I’m an inmate. All like, super scary and stuff, rawr. I do scary inmate things like practice braiding my hair and trying to hustle up nude colored compression socks because they look like nylons…terrifying, I know. The fact that they have nude colored compression socks is also slightly terrifying.

I’m not writing this to tell you about my free time, no, I’m making a case as to why you, reader, should write me, inmate. Ready?

1. I can take selfies!
2. I can tell you how to use skittles and Vaseline to make your own lip balm!
3. Oh, I have a ton of ways to recycle seran wrap, seriously, you’ll trip out.
4. Mm, weird one, but funny, there is more than one use for a summer sausage, we’ll just leave that one there dear.
5. I’m single, not entirely sure how that’s a good quality for writing me, but there it is
6. I’m super happy. Look, you’ll never have a bad day with me.
7. I am who I am and I love people, I will love who you are too.
8. I will be the one person you can for sure count on to completely accept you in all your weirdness.
9. Ooh, I’m a captive audience! Lol, I thought it was funny anyway.
10. Finally, I’m a good friend and quite frankly, I need you.

OK, so there is my top ten reasons why you should write me!

Just in case, here is the ways to contact me

By mail
Jeff Utnage 823469 D-610-2
PO Box 888
Monroe, WA. 98272

Or email me through jpay.com (inmate email service for Washington prisons)
Sign up, find me using my name, Jeff Utnage and/or DOC # 823469

With Love
Jeff “Jeffebelle” Utnage