I may be in prison but I do not have to act like it. I was told when I first fell that this place can be a womb or a tomb, you can come here and learn to die or learn to live, but you better choose otherwise the decision is made for you.

Isn’t life in general a lot like that? You can choose life, to be active in life, to be responsible for and to yourself. Or, you can choose to wait for death. Blame childhood trauma for all life’s problems, ex’s and “luck of the draw”. But that’s garbage.

Look, I went through sexual abuse as a child, does that mean I can use it as an excuse for my crime? NO! Did sexual abuse happen to me, yup. Does it define me? Nope. I cannot go through life looking at every person who did something wrong as the whipping post for what someone else did to me.

I also cannot go through life allowing unhappiness, the beliefs and actions of others, and self-limiting beliefs to dictate whether or not I’m successful or happy.

So, I chose happiness and joy years ago. I have an incredible future ahead of me. I have so much to look forward too, so much life. I have an amazing group of friends, both in and out of prison. You know what? We’re going to do amazing things together, like a family…like laugh.

I am going to enjoy life folks. I am gonna quilt, because its fun. I am going to get out of this place and go shopping for dresses and makeup and shoes…oh my god, SHOES! And you know what else, I’m gonna have fun. I’m gonna love people, like I already do, like I already am. I’m gonna keep on learning, keeping an open mind and heart, leaning into healthy adventure.

In the meantime, I’m excited, how about you?

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With Love
Jeff aka Ruth Utnage