There was this guy who was brave enough to tell me he loved me and he would never high five or fist bump me. We would laugh about something together and it was instinctual to high five him but he would just look away and say “We don’t do that”

I would see him high five and fist bump others, it was just me he wouldn’t. In the moment I would get a little confused as to how I should show that same emotion or an alternative way of expressing that same message that a high five or fist bump represented. I didn’t get it then. But I do now.

What he was trying to tell me was “that’s too informal and I won’t allow us to digress into an informal buddy-buddy state”.

I kind of laugh about it now because I do that to someone close to me currently. I tell her all the time when she tries to high five or fist bump me “We don’t do that” and she’ll reply back with “Why?” with a hint of irritation, just like I once did and I simply say “because I’m not going to tolerate you friend-zoning me.” She let’s a small smile leak out behind her mask, thinking I cannot see it and she always changes the subject, just like I used to do.

It’s funny how little things like that stick around with you. That one man’s action was impactful on me, maybe it impacts me because I’m still kicking myself in the rear for not acting on my feelings with him and it being too late now. One day I’ll have to tell the full story of what happened, of how the Ice Queen struck again, maybe look for a title called “Ice Queen Strikes Again” for that?

With Love
Ruth