I locked you away because your painful,
The emotions you spark are unkind and I am more then ready to let them alone.
But yet like smoke in a box, you leak out, sometimes unnoticeably. 
Until its to late and there you are,
Forcing me to balance you once more.
The truth is I don’t know what to do with you.
I would rather not have you around.
Today I am trying to stuff you down, 
I was having a great day until you.
I remember as a child being afraid and intimidated of nearly all men.
Stuff you down, lock you away.
Dogs frighten me too.
Back in the box you go.
Hello Jenny, I have missed you,
What is all this that’s with you?
Am I crying because I am happy or because I am sad?
I feel both at the mention of your name.
Happy because you always knew how to comfort me
Sad because you had to always comfort me.
While I can’t wait to talk to you again…
You petrify me.
What pain will you have to shelter me from now? 
I can’t handle anymore trauma.
We always faced life as we knew it together. 
In our own ways, only we knew our private lives and that pain.
Kenny was one of us. 
He knew too, all to well…
Can we begin again?
Without the memories of our childhood to haunt me.
I think about you the most but talk about you the least. 
You were the most painful person to lose from my youth.
Excuse me while I unpack our memories.
They won’t hide anymore, I think its time to face them.
Pancake mix and shotguns,
Cherry stems and BB guns,
Six month moves and haunted houses,
Motorcycles and drugs,
Junk rooms and hairspray cans,
Bonfires and black roses,
Its going to be a long day cousin.
I can’t wait to make new memories…

With Love
Jeff Utnage