As some of you know I’m a Christian. As difficult as it may be sometimes I don’t really feel its an option because if I were to say that there is no God, I’d be lying. So having said that…

I got to thinking about marriage and men and dating. Perhaps not such a good idea when your surrounded by men who have nothing to do all day but perfect their physique, just sayin’. Anyway, I was praying to God to send a man my way that is suitable for me. Of course I went into this long list of “I wish’s…”. I could just see God up there rolling His eyes at me. So I prayed for this for a few years, still nothing has came. My Prince charming still hasn’t suddenly signed up on my jpay and no letters have shown up for this damsel in distress with that light hint of honeydew scent (don’t know why but the smell of honeydew just does it for me…I know, I’m weird!). So then I began to wonder why, I thought about my crime, my sentence, perhaps I’m just not meant to be with anyone. But I have hundreds of men trying, but none want a relationship and the ones that do are scary. So I just remain in temporary celibacy until the right guy comes along. 

But, this leads to God again. Since I have no way to go out and mingle and run into Mr. Right I am at His mercy. He’s going to have to send someone my way, a little help. Since Hes not done that yet I assume that perhaps its because I need to marry God. After all I’ve not told anyone as much about me then Him and yet I still feel genuine love every morning. So why not? Is it possible to marry God? Maybe if I marry Him figuratively and nag Him day and night He’ll get tired of my nagging about physical intimacy and finally give me someone to show affection to in real life, not just dreams. Then again, maybe He will just take me home? Who knows, I hope He don’t take me home yet though because I have a job to do here and I don’t trust it to nobody else yet. There is a world of LGBT people out there who are one step away from suicide, drug use, homicide, homelessness, cutting themselves, robberies…being in pain emotionally. Someone else is traumatized so often and who knows how much damage Pastors have inflicted psychologically trying to “cure” our brothers and sisters.

If God was my spouse I think I’d have the best backing in the world…just a thought. Maybe I’m nuts, but here goes nothing…

“God, will You marry me? Because I’d like to help change Your world”

With Love
Jeff Utnage