People are important to me. Especially in prison. Every person on my contact list is important to me because they are the entirety of “Freedom”. It’s not fair on them, they didn’t ask for that, nor did they sign up for it. There should be a disclaimer when you sign up that says “Caution, you’re about to write someone with most of their freedom taken away and you are now possibly their sole means of experiencing freedom.” It might help put things into perspective. Its a hard concept to express unless you’ve lived it.

I have these people who sign up on my jpay account (the sole DOC approved email service,, see below for details on how to use it to contact me) and they ask a few questions and then bounce, its okay, but I write freedom and then, poof, freedom’s gone. It makes me think to myself “do I not know how to speak anymore?”

For instance, one person recently just disappeared. It happens. But they lost their job and I offered to send my paycheck to them to help out. A week later after no reply their name dropped from my contacts. I think to myself “was that inappropriate to offer? Did I commit a social faux pas?” I’m so confused. I already feel socially inept, maybe I am much more socially inept than I thought?

Do I need practice or patience?

With Love

to contact via
DOC name: Jeff Utnage
DOC Number: 823469

(Please, do not call me Jeff, I will not respond to it, my legal name is Ruth, however DOC will not change their documents to match the governments documents.)