I do not even feel human anymore. I’m so sick of begging for human contact. It feels like I’ve been in a cage for seven years with my arm sticking out between the bars and it is now too tired to hold upright anymore. Now I am just sitting against the edge of the metal narrowly focused on some point in the distance that even I don’t really see.

If I bitch about isolation I’m just feeling sorry for myself and some dipshit with a chemical dependency certificate and a guilty conscious will make some half-witted assessment and call it justice. If I don’t bitch about it I’m going to explode.

I just want to talk to people. Like real people, and not some superficial, I’m not going to remember anything you say because I don’t really give a shit- people. I mean like a friend, just one friend out there that I can call and email and maybe get a visit from. Someone who just wants to laugh and be happy with me. Just one.

I already have people who only halfhearted listen, don’t talk to me by phone, won’t visit, only email me once every four months and that’s usually to tell me “how busy they are.”

Or love, holy crap I want to be loved. I need to feel someone love me. Just one, and I am so sick of being told it will come, or be patient, or in Gods time.

Somebody help me, I’m drowning.

With Love, I guess
Jeff “Jeffebelle”