Chocolate in liquid form. Hot cocoa. When you’re a little moody and want to watch the world burn like a flame throwing Godzilla, what do you do? Drink a steamy mug of hot cocoa and suddenly the world is just a little sweeter and instead of rampaging through the streets of the city knocking whole buildings over and beating your chest like a giant snarf snarf Gorilla, we give hugs.

There’s just one problem. hot cocoa KEEPS ME UP AT NIGHT! Not to mention it gives me wild dreams. The other night I dreamt I grew a paintbrush out of the roof of my mouth and when I went to pluck it I almost bled out. Neato. Then the next night I dreamt I raged out on this little old southern gay dude I work with in prison laundry. Lol. Oops. I felt so bad when I woke up that I avoided eye contact for hours with him at work. Yikes.

The only thing I love more than cocoa is my mornings. I love mornings and I cannot enjoy my morning if I slept like hell for the fourth night in a row and spent the day a hormonal bitch folding sheets at work with such an attitude that people were beginning to wonder if the sheets stole something from me. But no, it was just me drinking cocoa at night. I love sheets.

Last night, no cocoa and I slept wonderfully. I’ve been up since 4:29 a.m. and I feel great about it.

Sorry hot cocoa, we have to break up, no more late night rabbit holes for us.

With Love
Ruth Utnage
(For interviews or media inquiries please contact me directly!)

Ruth Utnage fka jeff 823469 C-510-2
PO Box 888
Monroe, WA. 98272

or via Jpay email service (you have to use my birth name, but, please do not call me by it, my new legal name is Ruth)

Jeff Utnage