Each and every day I have to face some idiot with a chip on his shoulder. I keep my speech appropriate for people who may be offended with homosexuality, I stay humble, I don’t flirt, I don’t try and “turn out” anyone. In other words, I do my best to accommodate the homophobia that I know is around me. 

Its one thing to be homophobic but its another to be expectant that the fag your around know his place. Why does mankind need someone to be lower? Just in the past 400 years we’ve tried to subjugate everything but the straight, white male. Most recently its transgendered people and gays, before us it was women, before women it was orientals, before them it was Africans, before them it was natives…it goes on and on. 

The most recent is gays and transgendered. But its different to hear about oppression of people rather then experience it first hand. To be on the receiving end of that is terrible and he shock you feel the first few times is scary. But there comes a point where you no longer want grin and bare it but fight back. 

I’m tired of smiling back at someone timidly while they tell me I deserve to be oppressed because this is the lifestyle I chose. When the real fact of the matter is that they aren’t pissed off I’m gay, their pissed off that I’m so comfortable with it and they aren’t. They hate us because they are jealous. I’m just sick of the act that I must put on to be a bigger man while they get to have these purple faced outbursts that I must sit through day after day where I hear how because I’m gay there whole life is being torn apart???

Why do I occupy so much space in their heads? Does me wanting to be proud of who I am really invite this kind abuse? Who can I ask? Who out here can advise me? Anyone…

I guess I’ll just continue to grin and bare it. Be the bigger man. I am hopeful that tomorrow gets better.

With Love
Jeff Utnage