Gold may be hard to get but that’s not why it’s valuable. Gold is valuable because it is rare. I can think of memories in much the same way.

in order to get to gold you often have to sift through dirt or rock because it’s buried, hidden. I feel like my best memories are much the same, buried under some shit I have to sift through in order to discover the golden nugget that it hides. But that’s just it, I have to dig to find them, it takes work.

For me, this whole prison experience has been a lot like a dirt trommel. Buckets of dirt and rock go into a system that turns and turns the particles with water in a violent rotation and sometimes, just sometimes gold gets found. Prison is a place of violence that sometimes uncovers gold, even unintentionally.

Every good memory I’ve remembered in this place or created I stash away inside my very own safe, my heart. I don’t show them to people, I don’t talk about them, I don’t share them or compare. They’re mine and mine alone and I get a little frustrated when I look at the next plot of land I am going to have to sift through and wonder what it is I’ll find. How much good ? How much bad?

The point here is that for some the gold is on top of the ground, easy to find. For others, it has fallen underneath some rubbish and it takes a lot of work to sort through it, sometimes a team of people. But it’s worth it.

A true labor of love.

With Love
Ruth Utnage