Last evening (December 26th) I had a dream. One could argue that it was an Ebenezer Scrooge type episode, however due to the tardiness of missing Christmas I am not sure if this would qualify. I am now sitting in the day room trying to make sense of what is arguably the weirdest experience of my 40 years, and if you knew me, you would understand the gravity of that particular statement. Luckly for you I am now going to share my dream with the masses. Feel free to send me a comment as to what you think it means even though I have a fairly good idea…

I awoke on a grassy hill in what appeared to be springtime. The sun was glistening off the morning dew newly deposited upon the grass. A butterfly’s wing movement caught my eye. I turned my head leftwards towards the shimmering, fragile animal. Off in the distance I heard strange music so I stood up and walked down a hill carpeted with beautiful wildflowers towards the magical sound. Off in the distance, I saw a forest grove at the bottom of the hill which I reluctantly entered. As I walked closer to the origin of the music I smelled a campfire. I continued to push through the branches of the trees and finely broke free. I found myself standing before a campfire and what I can only describe as a painted hippie-like wooden wagon.

I suddenly noticed there was no sound. There was no music, no birds, no crackle of the fire before me. I distinctly remember I was thinking that whomever, or whatever was about to exit the wagon was most likely going to slaughter me. Strangely I was not very broke up about it. Anyway, the door opened and what can only be described as the sweetest scent of lavender enveloped me. Then a beautiful woman in an emerald green dress emerged. She looked strangely familiar as she began to slowly dance suggestively around me. All at once she stopped when she was on the opposite side of the campfire and turned her body around so that she was facing me. Like a lightning bolt smashing into my face it dawned on me that I was gazing upon the glorious Lisa Boothe, a Fox News contributor and a Senior Fellow for Independent Woman’s Voice.

As Lisa held me captive with her beautiful eyes, she slowly raised her perfect hand, pointed her glowing finger towards the fire, and smiled (or smirked). I looked where she was pointing and suddenly I was falling through the flames towards a bright light reflecting off of a flawless diamond. I suddenly was in the kitchen of my childhood home with my friend Chad, my Mother, and my Brother. This was no longer a dream but a memory.

Chad and I were debating about going to the North Kitsap vs Gig Harbor High School (class of 98) football game. I was supposed to meet a girl named Holly there. She was the younger sister of a girl in my class and extremely beautiful in a very unique way. I was what could be described as entranced with her. After the normal high school process of the proper amount of flirting, she agreed to meet me at the game. Evidently this was not in my buddy Chad’s plans. He wanted me to throw a party at my families beach house like I usually did every Friday night (somehow without my family knowing) and he was winning the argument. My poor Mother actually thought we were debating the merits of “cosmic bowling”.

I said I had to meet Holly at the game but to be completely honest, the call of a kegger was getting louder and louder. So I did what a normal Junior in High School would do. I called Holly’s home to cancel on her. Holly’s mom answered the phone and told me that Holly had already left and expected me to meet her at the game. I never showed. Instead, I drove out to Tacoma to the Mini-Mart where I had established an understanding with the proprietor Mr. Lee, that he would not ask to see my ID, and I would buy a minimum of $500 dollars worth of booze a week earning me the coveted status of “Number one VIP Customer” which allowed me access to free potato chips and unrestricted use of the employee bathroom. Both of which if you knew Mr. Lee, you would know what a big deal this actually was.

Anyway, to make a long story longer, the beautiful Lisa Boothe showed me a shameful event in my past that I completely forgot about until last night. To rub salt in a raw wound, she then showed me what my life would have looked like if I went to the damn game instead of throwing a stupid party like I always did. Not to bore you with any of the details of a very exact vision, I got to live an amazing life, start a family with a woman who loved me, and die a happy man. To borrow a line from Ralphie in the television classic The Christmas Story, “Son of a Bitch”. – Yeah, that about says it all.

So here I sit, December 27th, 2019, with the ghosts of memories from 23 years ago haunting me while I ponder the weight of decisions made and what might have been. Chad is now a Sheriff’s Deputy, my Mother is happily spending her retirement years with my father at their lovely mountain home, my brother is a very well respected Attorney, and last I heard, Holly works with disadvantaged youth in San Francisco.

So thank you Lisa Boothe, where ever you are, for once again hammering home that the Universe evidently needs to continue to show me that I am now without any shadow of any doubt, the Galaxy’s biggest jackass.

By Ryan Erker

Ryan Erker/390480
PO Box 888
Monroe WA 98272

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