I am surrounded by men. Not just any men either. Were talking Greek Adonis statue looking men. Sexy as hell with chiseled chests and six pack abs. Some are intelligent even. Some are even nice! 

Imagine this: your gay and in a city of nothing but eligible hot guys who are more then willing to go to bed with you. Sounds like a fantasy or adult movie right? Well, that’s prison for a gay man, with one slight adjustment…its illegal to act on it. In fact, it is so stigmatized that if you do have sex and are caught your labeled a predator for the rest of your time here. Unless of course you cry rape. Being labeled a predator for consensual sex is a way to discourage the behavior among gay men in prison. Because you could be 5′ 6″ and 135 lbs, completely helpless and here on a crime that involved possession of drugs and if you get caught having sex, even consensually you are now a sexual predator and you can only live with individuals labeled a predator. Which you could imagine the scary situations that could happen there. We won’t even go into going to the hole, being infracted etc.

Celibacy is forced here. For straight guys, there women are out there. Not working out next to them, or showering naked next to them or sleeping in then same room with them. This is a touchy subject in prison because I believe I should be able to have sex with whom I want so long as its consensual. Now, let me clarify, I personally do not like casual sex. It makes me feel like I have done something wrong because I much prefer emotional ties over sexual gratification. Plus, I am a devout Christian and it goes against what I believe my body to be, which is a temple for worship and when I do have sex it must be out of love. Something I have yet to experience. 

For me, prison gives me the opportunity to not be distracted by men because though I get hit on daily by multiple men, I do not consider them viable options because I know that one moment of gratification could mean I never leave this place despite the fact it would be consensual. Life in prison over a bj??? No thank you. Besides, like I said I have other things to deal with, like my inner problems. Which, thank God, are never far from me to work on. Just to make sure, there are hundreds of people willing to remind me exactly what I did. No shortage of judgments.

Celibacy should be a choice, not a law.

With Love
Jeff Utnage