Something occurred to me. I like being gay. I’m not ashamed of it at all. I started working on my self esteem sometime ago and I guess its starting to work. I even began listening to Christina Aguilara ‘Beautiful’ every morning just to reinforce that I’m okay. 

I dream in gay. I love my community. I am proud of our community and the achievements of our predecessors. Now I’m even happier to take the torch or follow the footprints. I tell me friends that I want to change the world. Most of them just laugh at me, but I don’t care. I’m gonna. That’s that.

I’ll do it all while dreaming of being accepted and loved. I have built this idea of what love and acceptance means to me and now I’m doing my best to practice it. Everyday I want to greet every person with a fresh perspective. Today is new, yesterday is gone and I’m ready to start over. Try again or keep going. Whatever needs to happen. It doesn’t scare me anymore, not like it used to. 

What scared me was rejection and judgement. But once you’ve been flat out rejected and judgement by everyone who meets you, that’s not such a big deal anymore. A big part of me is completely free, free to dream in gay. Free to think I can change the world. Yeah, I’ve done horrible things. Its true. But does that mean that I shouldn’t try and do good now? Do you expect I should stay in some evil demented box? What good is that? 

No, I’m not that person anymore. Flat out, I’ve changed and it doesn’t matter who doesn’t believe in me. Because me changing the world only depends on me. Its my dream, its my goal and I intend to accomplish it. I abhor violence. I abhor control and intimidation and bullying. I abhor drugs and saying that evil is good, and good is evil. I don’t agree we have to accept the world around us. I can CHOOSE to be different. I can CHOOSE to change. Now watch me do the impossible, all while dreaming in gay.

With Love
Jeff Utnage