It was about a year and a half ago when Kristen told me she had a flirtatious encounter with some friends of ours, a married, straight couple. She gave me the scenario and asked me if she was reading the situation right. I didn’t know, I wasn’t there, but she described her own feelings of a physical draw to him and his wife was seemingly on board with her own flirtation, initially at least. Kristen didn’t really expand much on her thoughts sexually about the woman. She wanted to know my thoughts and opinions on the whole situation. Was this some sort of swinger scenario? To me, with these two trusted individuals, if it played out the way she was describing, I was completely OK with it.

Remember, I get that she has needs and her dialogue with me about them was the cornerstone of who we were as a couple, amazing communicators. These were good friends to me and the idea that Kristen just needed a physical release and talked to me about it first, I was on board with her choices. I felt that if it happened, this was would be as casual as a doubles tennis match. I trusted the whole crowd involved and I knew it would never spiral out of control. As it went, Kristen had misread the situation, although the flirtation I’m sure was real. Nothing became of it, the moment passed and we went on about life. No harm, no foul, and for Kristen, no physical release.

A year later, Kristen talked to me again about a radical idea for her and she wanted my support on. At this point, she had been wanting that physical release, but as the years have gone on, she had come home every night to just our preschool aged daughter without any greater emotional or intellectual stimulus. She wanted more, although she never really put it that way. I totally understood this to be her point, however. Its rough to be alone. We had met that way. Now, she’s been both parents, the sole bread winner, had been watching couples around her evolving and she was exhausted at running this marathon alone. I respected her for all of her feelings of just “wanting”.

Kristen referred to “feelings” she was having, but couldn’t explain what they were. She had talked to a gay friend of mine who had left prison and he laid it out that maybe she should just kiss a girl and try it out. She said that I was the only man in her life, but wanted to try connecting with a woman. I was all in. I supported her completely and I found no threat in my place in her life with another woman being introduced. She initially described to me a polyamorous relationship where a new woman would be another source of emotional strength for us both and be everything I couldn’t be right now to her and we would all grow together. Perfect idea to me! I was told that a woman who enjoys a poly relationship might find this pretty ideal, too…

Rory Andes