I usually don’t stay up for the West Coast midnight hour. Usually I watch Anderson Cooper and whatever drunken sidekick he gets in New York and call it a night. This year I’m thinking I’ll actually celebrate. Here’s how I’m gonna do it:
I’m going to write 2020 on a piece of paper, big ole’ print, take up the whole page. Then, at 11:55 I’m going to shred it up into itsy bitsy pieces, very very small and toss them in the toilet. Then at 11:59 I am going to wait with my flushing fingers poised and at Midnight I’m going to flush that mother f****r goodbye.
Happy New Year