It never ceases to amaze me the hilarity of homophobia. Every night when I leave work we kinda get crammed in this little foyer type room where we wait for the door to get opened so we can go back to our living units. The tight space almost always invokes some talk about “fags do this..” or “fags do that..” Stuff that I try not to let bother me or get involved in to much. I have feelings to. YUP! Gays feel stuff.

But tonight I was asked a very pointed question, if a particular action one guy was doing to another guy was considered “gay”. All he was doing was pretending to touch his arm, btw. So I thought about it for a moment and told them “I wouldn’t know, i’m not gay this week! I thought you guys got the memo, we can go straight until after Christmas, its a temporary cure.” They all got a pretty good kick out of that and I noticed all of them get pretty uncomfortable.

I have to admit, I was satisfied making THEM uncomfortable for once. Usually I am the one who starts shifting in my skin while they gay bash the hell out of anyone within earshot. But tonight I decided to keep going. 

“Don’t you know how you become gay?” I waited for the little room to go silent, they all stared at me with their eyes wide. “someone coughs on you, like this” then I coughed into the air loudly. Surprisingly almost everyone ducked in a wave of “oh man! Dont spread that shit!”

I continued…”yeah, this guy coughed on me and the next morning while I was stretching I noticed that I was craving penis.”

These guys all started to get the joke and loosened up. But it goes in the whole charade of what they think homosexuality or transgenderism is, something that is indicative of disease. It was a stark reminder of what I am facing in life when it comes to being treated and thought of the same, which we all know is not always realistic.

Just thought I would share this little story with you, humor has a way of diffusing harsh situations, even in prison.

With Love

Jeff Utnage