We have all had lots of experiences with people that involve bad attitudes. Sometimes it was because of us, sometimes it was the other persons fault. Either way, we’ve all dealt with it a lot. 

As a man who needs to make connections with people to promote tolerance and acceptance my primary audience is those who don’t tolerate or accept me. Which brings me in view of many who flat out don’t like me. Some are terrified they are going to “catch the gay”. As silly as that sounds its still a legitimate thought in some peoples minds.

In this case the million dollar question is how do you build connections with people who don’t like you? 

In short you have to be tolerant of them. Acceptance and tolerance is a two-way street. You may not win them all. You may only win a few, but two is greater then none. Clearly. The way that I do this is not by shoving my views down their throat. Its not by putting myself in their personal space. Nope, I have to do it through one interaction at a time. Its the small things. 

Someone may not remember everything you do, but they will always remember how you make them feel. I’ve said this before about file building. Every person you meet builds a file on you, unconsciously. They use the information provided to make character assessments. You don’t need a psychologists degree to understand this concept. So, having established that everyone does this, we have the opportunity to add things to their filing system.

We do this slowly, over time. They may have a preconceived idea about who we are based on false information in their file on us. But we can’t be angry about their feelings. But we can do something about it, without conflict. It’s simple “hello” “good mornings”. Its being stable and consistent with them. Giving them something to expect every time they see you will continue to add positive information to their file on you. Enough positives and it will slowly start to produce fruit. They will be able to hold a conversation.

With Love

Jeff Utnage