I never thought I’d say this but, DOC did it, they broke me. This wild, untamed cheetah is finally out of breath, my body is tired and I have no more fight left in me. My body will heal, but my spirit…well, it’s broken.

Saying those words feels like defeat, defeat that’s more than humiliating. Here I am in front of whoever is or will look at this, I tap.

I’ve had battle after battle over the last 10 plus years. I fought injustices, inequity, abuse, personal demons, my childhood, my mistakes, transphobia, homophobia, love, abusive authority, sexual harassment, oversexualization of my existence, bad therapists, cold cells, lying staff, shit food…my release address being denied and now my girlfriend (whom was and is my best friend of 7 years) has been blocked from emailing me for no reason at all, a glitch that will likely take months to fix. Then there’s the little problem that some dude who’s never met me decided to deny my address, with my girlfriend, whom I’ve known for 7 plus years, for no good reasoning at all. She was going to be helping support me with bills, my transition (bottom surgery) and recovery. All gone, arbitrarily.

Ever wonder why the globe’s biggest animals, most magnificent creatures jump through hoops, don’t maul their captors, eat shit food, lay down when their told and walk slower than they would naturally? Because they’ve been broken.

I’m broken.

Ruth