I have an eating disorder, there I said it. In plain english, without judgement, it just is what it is. Having said that, I still argue with people about my eating habits because I still compare my body weight to that of the Body Mass Index.

Each time I see the BMI chart I feel like I am failing as a human being because my “number” doesn’t mesh with the Doctor’s “number.” It is not just an irritant, it’s a painful process. I am not alone in this assumption that the BMI number is the healthy number.

So here is my math, I weight currently 185 pounds and am 5′ 9″. I am extremely active and by all health standards I am healthy. However, my BMI says that I should be between 122 and 164 pounds. At 165 pounds (according to the BMI) I am over weight. At 185 pounds, I am obese.

My brain is divided with two opinions. I will call them rational and irrational. My rational side says the BMI is garbage, it is only talking about those with no muscle etc etc etc. My irrational mind (and the most dominant in this case) says that I must fit between those numbers in order to be happy.

So there you have it. I associate happiness, success, achievement, healthy relationships…it all is impossible as someone who is overweight. Why do I think that? Because I was fat my whole life and all of those things evaded me until I lost my weight, then I started to get some of those things back into my life. There goes my irrational thinking again. I recognize this, but like I said, my mind is divided. It is something I struggle with.

So, back to my original point, how do we get that BMI updated, changed or flat out abolished from our lives? Every time I see that blasted thing I get another little tick inside me that tells me I am fat again, being fat makes me feel out of conrol, being out of control in my world is 100% unacceptable.

I know that I am not alone in this. It isn’t specific to me. This hits all types of people from all over the place from all walks of life. Just in my little world I have met many people, both incarcerated and non-incarcerated that suffer from this same exact issue.

How can you argue with science? I guess I am…then again, I have an eating problem.

With Love
Jeff Utnage