My friend Steve recently came out to his parents. I call him my brother and have known for quite sometime that he is pansexual (has attraction to the whole gender spectrum). He spent days contemplating how his mom would be fine but his dad was going to push back.

Steve’s girlfriend is a trans woman who was excited to meet his family. When he finally broke the news to his mother, it did not go so well. In fact, here is a quote from one of her 8 emails to him:

“You don’t understand, people out here hate you and tell me that they hope you get ***** in prison and turn gay, now look at you. If you were just gay, I’d be fine with you dating a man, instead you’re dating something else.”

It goes on for a good while…

Handling these catastrophic emotions is something I have become very good at doing. I have counseled hundreds of my peers through times exactly like his. Though, I had hoped I wouldn’t have to do it with him (having to do this with someone I consider a brother…it hurts to watch him hurt).

This was my advice both to him and for anyone else. Counter hate with love. The more hated you feel, do more nice things for others. If you’re really hurting and that pit in your stomach won’t let up, go take $100 and give ten random people $10 on a long, long walk. Go tell a stranger they are beautiful. Go love.

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With Love
Jeff aka Ruth Utnage

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Jeff aka Ruth Utnage 823469 D-610-2
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Monroe, WA 98272

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Name: Utnage, Jeff (though I am legally Ruth)

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