I jabber at God like a 16 year old on the phone sometimes. I think about how I must sound to him. Whiny, needy, pathetically dull. I even try to counteract my prayer insecurity with humor. I make fun of Him and feel sorry for myself all in the same sad sentence.

I have to admit that the more I argue with God the nuttier I feel. Yammering away to some unseen force who seemingly hasn’t spoken in 2000 years, if ever according to most. Yet here I am pouring my emotions out to that.

Still, it feels good to talk outside of my head and feel like somebody is actually listening. I guess arguing with God out loud is better than yelling at myself internally. 

I would be a liar if I said I didn’t feel silly sometimes. Like I am praying to a nonexistent whim, invented a long time ago in mans search for origin and meaning. However, I would also be lying if I said I didn’t believe He exists either. 

So I will conclude with a happy medium, perhaps you will share my sentiments? God exists, but He is kind of an a**. Like most husbands they nod their head as you try to solve a problem and never really listen. But every once in a while they do the right thing. Making this whole marriage thing somewhat worth while…

With Love
Jeff Utnage