I remember when I was still closeted and whenever I would think about being gay my neck would redden with embarrassment. I would get angry, not at anyone in particular, mostly myself and God.

I used to try and convince myself I really liked women, I was only attracted to drag queens or trans women. However, it wasn’t true at all. I used that to justify my thoughts and my sexuality conundrum. This went on for some time, almost always it led to anger, which was really shame.

This cycle went on and perpetuated some pretty irrational behavior. I wonder what others go through. The stories that will emerge in maturity once your out of the closet are almost child-like when you reflect on them.

I lost some support, but, most of it wasn’t necessary to begin with. The thing about seeking answers is, you have a tendency to find them.

The closet, if it suits you go ahead and stay in. Please evaluate if it is driving shame or other toxic feelings because there is many things you will regret more than not coming out sooner. Believe me.

Do a heart check.

With Love
Jeff “Jeffebelle”