New Years In Prison:
This is the start of another year in prison for me. I don’t look at that as a bad thing either. Anyone who knows me truly knows that prison has been a real womb for me to grow as a man into something more than the worm I was when I was out there. No…nothing bad, but this is the chance of another shot. Another year to try and use this bag of flesh to make a difference. To deter another person from creating another victim. Perhaps this is the year that I prevent just one. God willing.
New Year’s resolutions have never really been my thing. They have always involved work and self-reflection. Both of which I was never a fan of before here. This year is different. On December 12, 2011 I was introduced to God. Of course I new who God was before then, but I never thought of Him as someone to love. I had heard many things about God but most of all, I heard controversy. I heard reasons to argue and fight and hate.
God’s children can be maniacal and radical and (insert off-putting word here). That is the God I knew. However, in 2011 I was introduced to God in a new light. A new way. Then all these times that were unexplained in my life just kinda made sense all at once. It’s the only way I can describe it. Then I knew I was loved despite the garbage I had allowed in my life. Despite the crimes I committed, despite the people I hurt. Despite myself.
I am determined to not be that maniacal sin hating Christian that seem to be breeding out there like wild monkeys. I want to display the love that was introduced to me and I can’t do that while being so far to one side. The Bible teaches only a few basic foundational principals. One of which is self-control. Not just physically but emotionally as well. As a man who follows Jesus I am to keep my emotions in check and not follow maniacs and there wild money chasing frenzies.
God is very real. If you ever want to see Him, just look in the mirror. He is in you. Not just the figurative love-yourself-despite-yourself way either. I mean, God made us temples. From the souls of our beautiful feet to the amazing crowns of our heads we are temples and creations. He made us to dwell in. We are made in His image, that was told from the beginning. God is Spirit.
Me believing this may make me the maniac in your mind. This may make me the radical. I don’t care though.
Here is what I know for sure folks, this is the bottom line for me. I know that when I found God, I found me. I knew at that moment that I was able to love and be loved. I finally recognized the people around me for the good, the bad and the beautiful. I knew what love was finally and I am never gonna let it go. No one will ever make me and I wish on everything I am allowed too that everyone around me finds that as well. Learn to love. Not the hippie, freeloving, orgy love…but love. Kindness and whole-hearted greetings and warm smiles because you care. That love.
So, this year my New Year’s resolution from prison will be to introduce God’s love. I want everyone to know that it’s possible to follow God right here and right now and your going to love it. God love’s you despite all your shortcomings and don’t let anyone deter you from just loving Him back. Come as you are and He will meet you as soon as walk towards Him. Promise.
Until Next Time
Jeff Utnage 823469