I have been thinking alot lately about relationships and what it takes to carry on a relationship while incarcerated. Incarceration puts a serious strain on people’s emotions. I see so many relationships fail because there simply isn’t enough trust in one another. There isn’t enough face time and the physical interactions are limited.
It seems as though we are trained to base our relationships with others on this machismo image. Like you don’t love one another unless you are jealous of what the other is doing. Then one of them takes it to far and checks to make sure that the other one isn’t lying about there dealings. That’s pretty much where the relationship starts to fail. It takes trust and patience. You have to legitimately look at the other persons insides and fall in love with that person, not there image. That is so tough to do lately because images are just crammed down our throats like candy.
What happened to the good looking nice guy? What happened to the guy who wants to be monogamous? What has happened to the guy who assumes that his partner is has his best interest? I want a boyfriend, don’t get me wrong. Believe me, I spend nights just thinking of what it would be like to hold someone special again. But I don’t want another bad relationship. I want trust and stability. I am not the jealous type and I don’t want my man to be either. If I go to the grocery store and take longer than usual it probably means I stopped for something shiny. It happens! It doesn’t mean I was out cheating, or attempting it. I want my partner to believe that and trust that I am being honorable.
If that is to far out of the scope of reality, then why are you with me? Why did you even get with me in the first place, I could care less about your previous relationships. They aren’t me. In fact, if they still mattered you’d still be with them, now wouldn’t you? So drop them and the baggage they left and move on player…
I need a healthy man in my life. A man with value and honor. Someone who just knows that I love them and I know that they love me. I don’t need the fairy tale ending with the shining armor and the white horse, nope not this guy. I’d settle for emotionally stable. Someone who knows what they want out of life and knows just the path to get there. Someone who puts value in themselves but isn’t cocky or self-absorbed. Someone who is comfortable in their own skin. Someone I can be proud of.
I need that in my life because I want my man to be proud of me too. I want to have the relationship that we are forever impressed with eachother and yet not stuck up. Just proud of the other’s ability to achieve, whatever that may be. No matter how small no goal to big, let’s go get it!
What’s wrong with that? Is there anyone out there who wants to be with someone who has it set that they want to remain stable and proud of each other?
I won’t be in this box forever and when I get out I hope to have met the man of my dreams. Let’s get brave together.
Jeff Utnage 823469
feel free to write. will reply to all