Enjoying The Little Things: So Glad I’m Not ashamed Anymore
Recently I was lucky enough to get a shipment of books. Included was a book of poems by Maya Angelou ( I hope to memorize Still I Rise), I got a few books on Homosexuality and Christianity (they were no doubt purchased with the thought that they were supporting me, but it turns out its another preacher saying “you can be cured if you just believe” or however they want to spit there nonsense), I got a few novels that I am particularly excited about. I got my hands on a copy of The Danish Girl by David Ebershoff.
I tried to contain my excitement by starting another book first but every morning I would wake up and sneak a look at the book and pick it up. Staring at its cover I wondered about its story and how it unfolds and if its everything I’d hoped it would be. Then, like a child caught in the cookie jar I’d catch myself and put it back. So the temptation was to great and just two days on the shelf I picked it up. Now I’m absolutely absorbed into it.
Walking around with a book like this ten years ago I felt would have been to revealing about myself, but today I am just flat out excited. Telling people I don’t know and who don’t care! I bring this up because it’s important to support yourself. Not financially, though that’s important too, no…I mean emotionally. You have to root for you first.
As gay men and women we must be our first line of support. Outside of a carefully chosen circle of friends here I have no one to relate to. Those that are around to relate to are usually dependent on my strength to find their own. It is moments like getting a book that relates to my heart so well that no one should overlook. Not for yourself or anyone else. Enjoy those little things, enjoy these moments that produce confidence and self-sufficiency. You’ll need those wins for the times that there is no one around to pick you up.
Jeff Utnage 823469