Top Or Bottom: My Most Frequently Asked Question By Straight Men
I feel its necessary to answer this question in here. I could easily tell them to kiss off. But, that would just fuel further dislike and contention. I would often have to think about it to try and explain that in a gay relationship there is no traditional male to female interaction sexually. But that seems to be the only kind they can wrap their heads around.
When I tell them that gay men who seek relationships aren’t usually just a top or just a bottom its confusing to them. I know that if a gay man puts he’s a top only in his profile he is telling me two things 1) this is sex only 2) he’s emotionally not available which to me equates with danger. Why danger? Because I equate these guys to the married men who are ashamed of their true sexuality and after sex can express that shame in many ways including violence. This puts us at risk for becoming victims. Which is not OK, obviously.
This isn’t always the case, I know that. For instance I prefer to bottom, and that means nothing more than I enjoy sex with my partner. And because my partner would be the top usually doesn’t mean anything more then that’s our preference. I am more talking about the online hook ups and the seedy websites that make random sexual encounters easy. That’s what these guys who ask me if I am a top or bottom are equating me too, cheap. I do get offended but I have to remember that they aren’t consciously calling me that. They are just curious and their preconditioned idea of what being gay really is, is wrong.
We aren’t playing the role of a female or trying to play house as grown men. I am gay. Meaning that I have gay men’s tendencies and my traits are homosexual. If I switch my hips and Sashé across the room its not because I’m confused about gender its because I’m gay and I want to. It doesn’t mean that I am anything other then gay. I have feelings that run deep about this. Its an educational thing, an ignorance thing. Frankly, why do straight men want to know anyway? Why do they care if I give or take more often? I wonder what it is they want to hear? Do they want to hear me say it out loud as if I should be embarrassed? Well I’m not, I’m gay and that means that I love penis and I’m not ashamed of that. Being able to have sex is amazing and I am grateful that I have a few spots to stick something so amazing as a penis and I’m good with that. No shame here, love it actually, sends me right through the roof in ecstasy. But why would a straight man want to know that?
Nevertheless I answer like a trained monkey and tell myself that I’m educating others by transparency. Making the seedy, secret world of LGBTQ accessible. I know that the more stupid questions I answer the less likely they are to dislike LGBTQ because its no longer something they don’t know. Now they know a gay guy and can work on acceptance??? I guess.
One Sassy Bottom…LOL!
Jeff Utnage 823469