Dealing With Hatred & Bigotry As LGBT Men & Women
What do you do when you are hated passively or even openly? Do you have an arsenal of whit? Maybe you beat the tar out of them? Maybe you employ the ‘ignore them’ platform? What is the appropriate response?
I wonder this often. I think about whether or not I want to change their views. Maybe I just want them to shut up. Maybe I want them to open up a little. Sometimes I don’t even know. I will say this, I would rather deal with the open and non-hidden hatred then the passive behind-your-back hatred. When you think you have a friend or at least not an enemy and they turn out to be toxic. At least with the open bigot you don’t waste your time.
A big part of me is a fixer. Maybe they haven’t seen a gay guy like me? Maybe I can be their exception to the blanketed thoughts. Maybe “I hate Jeff, but most gays I despise”. Why I would find that tolerable is beyond me. As of late, I don’t find it tolerable at all. I have been extremely sensitive to the scrutiny of others and have just grown tired of them quietly hating me.
I have run into these little statements lately that I have picked up on. They have been so passive that I have let them go, ignoring them. But, like all of us in the LGBT family, I have been cut a lot by the words of others lately. They may be quiet jabs but they are beginning to hurt, alot.
Another kind of hate is the kind where the person legitimately believes they are superior. I have to deal with a boss-type person almost daily and they believe that because we are locked up we are less then. Furthermore, because I have charges they don’t like I am further down the line. Then we take that a step further and because I am gay and popular, that person gets infuriated and begins to cut me down.
It seems there is nothing I can do about either. If I complain I get moved, I lose my visits, I have to face the repercussions of it, not them.
So when we take the heat of others, when we are hated, when we are treated differentently and ostracized. What then? Ignore it, be passively hated? I once read a quote “I’m not going to set myself on fire to keep someone else warm”. I like that because its true. Why should we accept their bigotry?
So there is the problem, but what is the solution? I heard someone talking about putting drops of dye into water. Take a cup of water and drop one drop of dye in to it. It disappears, right. But keep dropping drop after drop and eventually it submits and changes color. The key word is changes. The water is hate, the drops of dye is us. The water color changing is tolerance. The more interaction we have with people, the more we are in their lives and include them in ours the more “dye” we introduce. That’s one idea for long term changes. Things like this take time. I also need realistic short term ideas for tolerating the wrath of others.
I could use your feedback,
Jeff Utnage 823469