Hot Fish…     by     Rory Andes

Not too long ago, there was a governor’s directive at which we be fed a more structured diet. More vegetables and fish made a big dent in the weekly menu. At least once a week, we now get tuna for a meal. It comes in the form of a tuna sandwich. And many times, it’s grilled. Sounds pretty good, right?

This isn’t the lunch menu at Denny’s. It’s effing horrible. It’s third rate tuna, probably caught off the Japanese coast in radiated waters, and it’s dark as shit. To top it off, it’s dry. It makes me pray for God’s mercy in the form of a tablespoon of mayo to do something to make it palatable. Then they want to make it hot by cooking it an excessive amount of oil. Just to make it fancy, they heat it with a slice of cheese that I assume is only a few molecules away from a Volkswagen bumper. That isn’t cheese, Sparky, it’s modified plastic. I absolutely despise this meal and I always give it away. It’s gross. It wreaks and it has a dry, yet mushy texture. This nightmare is hot, dry chum with a slab of government cheese in between to slices of prison made bread. Whole grain? More like a gluten fiasco. I hope you’re stocked up on shit tickets in the cell, because your slight, undiagnosed intolerance is gonna show itself. The whole thing is a breaded holocaust.

When I give it away, I make the recipient thank the governor before I relinquish this culinary shitshow. But I get it. If I want a Tuna Melt the way Denny’s makes it, I shouldn’t have effed up and came to prison. Noted…

by Rory Andes

What’s for dinner? Maybe next time….

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