What’s My Favorite Prison Food Recipe?    by    Christopher

Of all the questions you all could’ve asked… Like, is Bubba really as big and scary as they make him out to be? The short answer to that is yes. He was my second cell mate after coming to prison. But Bubba’s just a big teddy bear. He’s not when he’s not plotting to violently cuddle you. ..Howbeit, you asked about food.

Let’s see… I guess my favorite prison recipe is one that I don’t have to cook! Okay, okay. I remember. This one’s simple, so I hope it doesn’t disappoint. I don’t know what to name it, aside from how it looks, so bear with me while I introduce…


This is a recipe for a single serving. For more than one serving, it’s just a little multiplication, folks.

Ingredients: 1 Apple of your choice, 1 brownie (the size of a cupcake), 1/4 teaspoon cinnamon, 1/4 teaspoon sugar.

Directions: Wash the apple.. who knows where that thing’s been! When you’ve done that, core the apple so that it’s hollow. If you notice that it’s topologically equivalent to a coffee cup.. or a doughnut, then congratulations! You have successfully removed the core. The next step is easy… shove the brownie inside the apple. Make sure it’s packed in nice and tight. Now place the apple in a bowl and microwave it for about two to three minutes, or until the brownie starts pooping out of the top of the apple. Remove from microwave. By now, the apple is incredibly hot. So hot, in fact, that its juices are puddling inside the bowl.. mmmmmm. Finally, mix your sugar and cinnamon together and sprinkle it over the apple. Let cool for 5-10 minutes and enjoy.

As the skin of the apple gets hot, it also turns color. The end product is a big brown messy thing of goodness. The Brown Apple.