The Impossible     by    Ruth Utnage

Getting published from prison, nearly impossible. Getting published academically with no Ivy league accreditation as a transgendered woman from prison? Laughably impossible, almost to the point of “Why bother stupid?”

It sounds crazy, I admit. The call was for papers on criminal desistance with restrictions I’ve never dealt with like “must have a bibliography” and “20 page maximum”. 20 pages? That’s a lot. I send out articles with about 400 words in them or less most times and worry that most people don’t read it all! What I’m attempting is audacious.

Just my speed.

Lately I’ve been audacious. I audaciously became vulnerable with someone I’ve never seen in person. I audaciously asked for help. I audaciously expressed my feelings, humbled myself, swallowed my pride, stood up for myself, stood up against myself, and began to audaciously embraced the little boy I was raised as and more importantly- embraced the woman I am today.

So yeah, I’m gonna write this thing. I’ve got 40+ hours of cross-referencing, highlighting, phone calling, circling this sentence, underlining that word, writing in this margin, and typing…my God, the typing. Do you know how hard it is to type a collegiate document with a 6000 character limit per email and an email service is your only resemblance of a word document editor? I can’t even use special characters! If I want to put the little oom-chucker above the “e” (yeah “oom-chucker” is made up, but you know what I’m talking about, now don’t you?..don’t judge me, lol)

But hey, I’m gonna do this, I’m going to try the “impossible” because I like to challenge that made up, ficticious, and fraudulent hopes and dreams thief known as “impossible”.

Impossible that an incarcerated transgendered woman with a prison education and a lifetime of mistakes gets published in an academic journal. Yeah, well, we’ll see about that.

Challenge accepted, impossible.

With Love
Ruth Utnage

Feel free to contact me, a little human contact is always welcome

jeff aka Ruth Utnage 823469 C-601-2
PO Box 888
Monroe, WA. 98272

or via Jpay email service (you have to use my birth name, but, please do not call me by it, my new legal name is Ruth)

Jeff Utnage