“Gay For The Stay”? Is This Real In Prison?     by     Ruth Utnage

When I first fell in 2011 I had heard this saying that some homosexual individuals in prison weren’t actually homosexual, they were “gay for the stay”. My take was that wasn’t really a thing, either you are attracted to same sex or you are not. But, it turns out that’s not so straightforward.

I’m not an expert in human attraction, in fact, you could say i’m not very intelligent in that arena at all. But I do know that I have met people in prison who were the loudest, most staunch “gays” get out and within days were dating women and pretending that just a few weeks prior they were practically marching in the prison yard holding hands with other men. Then, I have met people in prison who were so unassuming that when they sent pictures back in of their partners many of us were shocked to see that they were same-sex.

This is the problem with labels. What has occurred is a division of “realness” and i don’t agree with that. Just like I don’t agree with “TERF” or that only real women menstruate, everyone else is fake…what a bunch of garbage…gay isn’t a status to obtain and nobody should be made to feel that they have to fit into a stereotype in order to be themselves.

If someone wants to explore same-sex romance, decides later on that it wasn’t for them, well, does that make them gay because they tried it? I’d say, who gives a damn? Actually, I do, I’d say that they are bold.

“gay for the stay” and “real” vs “fake”.

I’m good…let them have their “realness” because while they are fighting to be “real”, the rest of us already know we exist and honey, we are very, very real.

With Love

Ruth Utnage

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