How Do You Know If I’m Done Committing Crimes?     by    Ruth Utnage

I’m currently reading piles of papers from scholars all over the world documenting how and why a criminal stops committing crime. This is known (currently) as ‘desisting’. As I read each paper over and over again I gain a little more understanding of where they’re coming from as academics and scholars and a lot more disappointed that the best information our universities can produce is ambiguous at best.

We can solve centuries old problems and calculate with unmistakable mathematical precision how to shoot someone into orbit around another planet and precisely where they are going to land, how long (to the nanosecond) it will take to arrive, and every minutiae of detail supporting it. We spend billions of dollars every year on fantasy stories involving werewolves and interstellar, quasi-dimensional space travel as well as develop carefully crafted narratives involving whole think tanks paid full time to solely bring such ideas breath. We can virtually create life, we can fly, we can almost tell you what you’re thinking using technology…

We can take our blood sugars using contact lenses and track a penny on the street of Detroit using a camera mounted on a satellite in space. Our cars can drive themselves, literally. And yet…

We still don’t know what it looks like when justice has done its job?

Are you kidding me?

How do you know I’ve changed? Listen to me carefully, I found my problem. I found it, I confronted it, I dealt with it and it had nothing to do with “finding something to lose” or “getting married” or “being brutalized in prison and not wanting to come back” or “having everything taken from me”. It was none of those things. It was, however, that I located my inadequacies, formulated a plan to fix them, got humbled…a lot, faced myself head on and learned to love myself because I understood/understand that if I can’t do that I will never be “happy” or fulfilled.

But I am happy. I am fulfilled. I love myself, right now, right this second, flaws and all. I love every part of me and only seek to improve what I love already, which is all of me. I am a temple that deserves a clean mind, body, soul and environment and I am not a being meant to accommodate but a being uniquely designed to transform.

I didn’t wait “until I got out” to go after life, I’m doing it right now, right this minute from inside the same greasy walls as everyone else, the difference is I CHOSE to change, most of the rest did not.

Find out for yourself…

With Love
Ruth Utnage

Feel free to contact me, a little human contact is always welcome

Ruth Utnage fka jeff 823469 C-601-2
PO Box 888
Monroe, WA. 98272

or via Jpay email service (you have to use my birth name, but, please do not call me by it, my new legal name is Ruth)

Jeff Utnage