Saturday, February 6, 2021

Uncertainty by Ruth Utnage

It has been 10 years of constant incarceration. I got locked up in 2011 and this year, I'm getting released. I don't know how else to say I'm nervous except I'm nervous.

Let's not get confused about my ability to overcome that nervousness and succeed. I'm about to get out and crush life. That's that. But the anxiety of walking out that door in 9 months feels a bit like being birthed into a whole new world. The timeline of 9 months is not lost on me that a new being (me) is about to be born from the prison gates. I came to prison in one form and am leaving a new form. Living life as this new me is what keeps me up at night.

My anxiety about release isn't about being institutionalized but rather having no experience as a woman in the free world.

I have just one request. If you see a trans woman and she appears a bit out of place. That might be me. I ask that you give her a little extra grace and send her some positive love in the Universe. I will need it. That will help make things a little less uncertain.

With Love
Ruth



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