As I approach this thing called release, I can't help but tremble in fear, confusion, excitement, eagerness, and after 10 years apprehension. I have spent this last decade in a constant self development mindset and I KNOW I am ready to he out of prison. My issue is this, I have had to quite literally grow up in here. This means all the social norms, speech patterns, behavioral adaptations, and self protection methods I have learned have all been taylored to fit the prison state of mind.
I have the unfortunate displeasure of saying I met the gates confinement at the young age of 20 and I still had the juvenile mentality of being an independent, closeted trans female. I soon learned just how childish my actions were. I had to "grow up" so-to-speak overnight. And although I believe I have grown to be a beauful person, I know I still have a lot of growing to do. I have been able to transition to womanhood in here, but there were a lot of walls put I place to protect myself from the creeps.
So, even though I have done a lot to prepare myself for my fast approaching release, I am scored of being thrown into a world by myself. Sure, I will have some individuals whom I may be able to speak to regarding my emotional state, but learning about life and the intricacies of living it is something that has changed so much, I feel apprehensive to listen to the individuals in this environment. This comes to my mid because the individuals I associate with have either been incarcerated for close to a decade or more, or they have spent their entire lives wrapped in a world of mind altered euphoric bliss, completely unaware of how to live a square life.
What I need is a support network of people in the free world I can relation to guide me into my new life as a free woman. I am scared of both being released AND staying in prison.
RATHER THAN ENDING WITH A WORD OF INSPIRATION, I WILL LEAVE MY HEART ON THE TABLE AND END WITH A PLEA. I NEED HELP AS I TRANSITION THESE 2 WORLDS. THE UNKOWN SCARES ME AND I DON'T REALLY KNOW WHATO DO.
A scared woman
CONTACT ME AT:
Chris (Renee) Permenter #337691
P.O. Box 888
Monroe, WA 98272
jpay.com (enter info above where needed)
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