Saturday, January 11, 2020

I Resolve to Speak on Resolutions! [part 1 of 2] by Devin McCrary

On December 22nd our Toastmasters club had an almost-holiday-themed meeting and I, as per the usual-- what's that? Why was it "almost" holiday-themed? Well, because The Toastmaster for the meeting -- the specific Toastmaster responsible for introducing speakers and keeping the meeting moving -- had spent the entire week thinking it WAS our holiday meeting.

Anyway, at that meeting I was fully aware that I had a speech the following week on our actual real holiday meeting, and still had no topic! Yes! I was being very irrespons-- Huh? You want to know how The Toastmaster's mistake swayed the entire meeting? It was because she spent the entire week writing and practicing holiday-themed introductions for people! They were hysterical!

Now to get back to my story, I needed a topic for a research speech, which would have been simple enough if it didn't also have to also match the theme. So it's actually fortuitous that that meeting was essentially a dress rehearsal for-- Huh? You want to know what was so funny about the introductions? I mean, they were basically just low-key roasts of the speakers. One speaker, whose first name is phonetically identical to that of the main character of Gilmore Girls, was found to be similar to Santa's lead elf, Bernard -- yes, she actually know his name and no, I did not know his name before she said it -- in every way, except that Bernard has more hair.

But my topic! I'm having a heck of a time deciding. (Is a pattern emerging alreeeady? This is only my second post!) Eventually I started brainstorming super easy topics and I think, *excited gasp* what about resolutions! It barely meets the holiday theme but I guess it's a bomb idea, because it counts, and we all know the old saying about hand grenades... -- ba dum chhh. So I [ask someone to] find stats on failed resolutions [for me] -- it's actually almost physically painful to admit I can't just Google it myself (let's just face it, that's what really passes for "research" these days). And [someone, not me] find[s] some really interes-- ...well that's just rude. Someone just said they'd be more "interested" in hearing more about the not-holiday-themed introductions!

With (hopefully) humor, 
Devin McCrary

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