Monday, December 9, 2019

Some people say that everyday they learn something. I will say that for me the statement reigns true. by Quinton

In that same line of sight, I've come to the realization that all my life I have done things to please others, but more importantly I've done things with the hopes that someone somewhere would realize my potential. I have potential and value. I understand that my value is immense, but everyone has immense value. I just happen to know and believe in mine however, where I believe I've went wrong is that I've been locked up so long that I find myself starving for connection and trying to connect with people. I've given people parts of my life that I don't normally give to anyone. I've shared parts of my family history that I don't normally share with others, and I've done so with complete strangers. I now feel like I've sold a piece of my soul for connection with others from the outside world. I feel ashamed of what I've done as if I've given away things that don't belong to me, secrets that aren't mine. You might ask what secrets. Well, the secrets about the problems that I endured as a child, my mothers struggles, the pain of a family, and myriad other problems. Family issues aren't mine alone, others are involved and I believe I have given, at times, perfect strangers secrets without consulting the proper individuals . My grandmother always said what happens in the home stays in the home and I surely have not obeyed her wishes because I've sold my gold for conversation, for someone to tell me that I matter, for people to become aware of abilities and potential, and to be appreciated. To be candid about the entire situation, at the beginning of the day I simply want to feel like I matter in a world where to matter is to be loved.

I'm the fifth born and my name is...

1 comment:

  1. Q, your blog touched me deeply. I hear that you felt so starved for attention that you see yourself sharing your story with complete strangers, somehow selling your family in the process...

    But I invite you and others who have suffered so much in silence to try on a different narrative...

    That the experience of vulnerability, authenticity, and forgiveness you are experiencing after the DefyWA kickoff (defywa. org) are symptoms of strength, of healing, of transformation. I saw you saying to the world, "THIS IS ME!"

    During Kickoff I saw you step to the line. Bravely. Authentically, Powerfully. I saw a man claiming his voice for the first time among strangers. By doing so, you allowed others to shed light of love and grace into the darkest, dampest, and hidden places of shame, blame, anger.

    And in that action you did not just opened yourself up to healing. You opened the WHOLE room up! People. on both sides of the line. You healed others and yourself.

    Your grandmother would have been proud of you.


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